All Behaviour is a Symptom of an Unmet Need Part 1

The Fury, the Fix, and the Forever Lesson: How a Pair of Readers Became a Lifeboat

What feels like many moons ago, when I was navigating the world of a small optical shop, I learned a lesson about human behaviour that remains the very heartbeat of Advocate-Alliance today. It was a chaotic, high-pressure, totally ordinary Tuesday—until she walked in.

She wasn’t just annoyed; she was a storm in human form.

The Presenting Problem: Glasses Overdue

Her face was tight, her voice was sharp, and she launched directly into a justified, furious tirade. Her custom progressive lenses were overdue, and, according to my previous estimate, were supposed to be ready the day prior.

Her words were all about fault, deadlines, and broken promises. She wanted to know who was responsible, why the lab was slow, and what we were going to do now.

The easy, professional response would have been to defend the lab, apologize vaguely, and try to upsell her on a cheap pair of temporary frames. But my entire being, even back then, rejected that surface-level fix.

Listening with All My Senses

I didn’t just listen to her words; I engaged all my senses to understand the atmosphere she carried. I observed her posture (rigid, shoulders practically touching her ears), the tone (not just anger, but a frantic desperation), and the intensity of the energy she radiated. This wasn’t a woman upset about an inconvenience; this was a woman in crisis.

I simply let her speak. I maintained eye contact, nodded, and provided calm, minimal verbal confirmation (“I hear you,” “That sounds incredibly frustrating”). I was actively listening not for an answer to the problem she presented, but for the unmet need she was unknowingly communicating.

Then, buried deep within the torrent of frustration, I heard the flicker of the real fire:

“I’ve had to take two vacation days this week, and now I’m falling behind on my deliverables. The headaches are so bad I can barely look at the screen for thirty minutes. I don’t know how I’m going to catch up.”

The Real Need: Pain, Anxiety, and Sustained Wellness

It hit me like a revelation: The overdue glasses weren’t the problem; they were merely the final, frustrating barrier to the solution she desperately needed.

The real unmet needs were:

1. Physical Relief: She was suffering from debilitating, computer-induced migraines.
2. Work-Related Anxiety: She was missing work deadlines and burning through precious vacation time, leading to financial and professional stress.

The behaviour (fury over the delay) was just the loudest symptom of the underlying pain and work-related anxiety.

The Lifeboat: Going Beyond the Transaction

The solution wasn’t found in the policy manual; it was found in compassion and creative advocacy.

First, I immediately called the lab, escalated the issue, and figured out the exact delay (a minor human error). Then, I turned to the customer and said, “I hear you. The headaches and the work stress are the real priorities. Your order will be rushed. But today, you are leaving with something to help the pain.”

I walked over to our reader section, picked out a pair with the magnification she needed, and handed them to her. “These are on us. Please use them at work while you wait. They won’t be perfect, but they will give you the reprieve you need to get back on track and breathe.”

The switch was instantaneous. The fury melted into shock, and then into profound relief. She wasn’t just getting free readers; she was getting validation for her pain and a bridge over her immediate crisis.

Why This Matters to You, My Client

That moment in the optical shop wasn’t an isolated incident; it was a demonstration of the core principle that drives Advocate-Alliance: All behaviour is communication, and challenging behaviour is a symptom of an unmet need.

Whether I was helping a furious customer see clearly, advocating for myself or my own children through complex medical systems, or guiding a parent through an IEP meeting, I have been using this expert lens for as long as I can remember.

In our coaching, we won’t just look at the presenting issue (e.g., “My child is melting down,” or “I’m constantly exhausted”). We’ll use active listening and my practiced advocacy skills to drill down, past the symptoms, to find the real unmet need: the missing sensory tool, the invisible communication barrier, the unrecognized parental burnout.

You need a coach who can see the whole picture. Let’s translate your family’s chaos into clarity.